Day 14

Today I’m passing the two week mark! It sure feels longer than that. I wish I could speed up the recovery process more, but I guess it simply takes time. I definitely have cravings for porn (just now actually!), and just sitting at the computer reminds me of masturbating to porn. No wonder, for more than a decade computers were my tool of choice to get to an orgasm. 2 weeks vs. about 650 weeks…. only a measly 0.3% of my computer time so far has been porn-less!

Also I can report that I had intercourse again yesterday, twice. The first time around was fairly nice, my erection was okay, but it all didn’t feel more sensitive than usual. Yet again I had to use fantasy to get off and couldn’t just concentrate on the woman. I think once I’m just turned on by the woman, and I’m being driven to orgasm by just her without any need for fantasy, then I’m officially on the way to be cured. It’s difficult to imagine, all I’ve ever done is fantasize while having sex instead of just enjoying the sex.

The second time, a few minutes after the first orgasm (chaser effect?), was less good than the first time. Not only did I essentially use fantasy through the whole thing, but I also lost my erection multiple times and couldn’t feel too much. I also took much longer to ejaculate and we almost stopped because of this. However, altogether it was pleasurable. I believe another factor why the second time didn’t go as well was that I wanted to prove to myself too much that I could have second time. Usually that was completely out of the question and so I pushed my luck a bit. Next time I’ll just listen to what I really want and not go for a second time if I don’t absolutely crave it.

Stats since Start:

Porn Use: 0
Masturbation: 0
Good Intercourse*: 0
Mediocre Intercourse**: 1
Bad Intercourse***: 4

Legend:
* No fantasy, ejaculate < 10min, 95%+ erection
** Some fantasy, ejaculate < 20min, 80%+ erection
*** Anything worse than (**) above, flaccid penis during intercourse, etc.

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