Day 15

Last night I had a crazy urge to masturbate, and I gave in (without porn of course). I don’t count it as a setback, but somehow also wish I hadn’t done it. I think me having a bit of a depression and mood swings yesterday played into it and made me feel like I need some positive release. Either way, still staying away from porn. Can’t wait to pass the month mark… keeping myself busy until then. I probably won’t have sex in the coming days so those are more total abstinence days I can use.

Update from the evening: I really, really want to look at porn. It’s almost overwhelming. This is by far the strongest desire I’ve had to look at porn since I began this journey. Is it related to me masturbating yesterday? I don’t know. But man, this is worse than giving up smoking. Every cell in my body is telling me to just do it this one time. I’m not giving in. I’m not giving in. I’m not giving in.

Another update: In the end I ended up masturbating simply to calm myself down. Interim goal: I’ll stop masturbating for next week at least so I don’t fall back into masturbation habits while continuing my journey.

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