Day 16

This is a rollercoaster! I was extremely horny, wanting to masturbate, pretty much all night last night. However, I managed to refrain from further masturbating, and woke up fresh from a sexual dream today. No wet dream though.

I have to say that this thing is not easy to do… it seems so simple, right? Just quit porn, masturbating etc. for a while. But if you’re conditioned over decades to masturbate to porn, then this is a real challenge. I’ve quit smoking years ago, and I have to say that that was a walk in the park in comparison. One of the main differences is that everybody knows smoking is bad. You give it up, and you somehow believe that you’re healthier. With porn induced erectile dysfunction you constantly have these thoughts in your head that masturbating isn’t inherently bad, and that a little bit of porn every now and then can’t do any harm. My freshly woken up mind can reason well against this, but after a day on the computer defenses wear down and it’s easy to start longing for just some release.

You earned it! It’s been a long day of work! Just this one time! … There are many variations of how your own mind tries to convince you. And it’s better at it than any other person would ever be; after all, it knows you all your life. I know I sound like I have schizophrenia but it does seem like there are two ‘parts’ of myself arguing with each other, with me vehemently trying to turn the reason part into the stronger muscle.

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