Day 21

So, I have three weeks behind me! There is something strange happening with me; I don’t look at porn anymore, but I still have very vivid memories of it. When I had sex today, those memories came back even though I didn’t want them to. I wonder if this has similar effects as a relapse in terms of strengthening your brain connections to porn or if it’s okay? I sure hope it is!

The sex was mediocre-good, my erection wasn’t as hard as I want it to be, but I believe I derived more pleasure from just the feeling of being inside a vagina than I usually would. If you didn’t read all of the previous posts, I usually take a very long time to come; this time I would’ve been able to come after just a couple of minutes which is extremely unusual for me. I’m skeptical though and want to see if that is going to be a sustained change or just one-off this time. What’s also interesting is that I had no desire for a second go around afterwards. No chaser effect to speak off…

To circle back to the point I made in my first paragraph, I think an extremely important part of recovery is to completely let go of fantasy. That seems much more difficult than the physical act of not looking at porn because it’s all in your head. How do you consciously not think about something?

    • anonymous
    • November 21st, 2011

    Please keep posting. I am in the same boat and really finding this helpful.

  1. Thank you, anonymous. I’ll definitely keep posting. How far are you along?

    • anonymous
    • November 28th, 2011

    I had a series of slips but am now back onto it. Only four days. I had been trying to get over pn without cutting back mb and fantasy. That just doesn’t work for me so now they are all going!

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