Day 4

So, not much progress yesterday and today, except for one major negative experience. I tried having sex with my girlfriend this morning and failed miserably… my erection wouldn’t stay hard, and it was just overall bad sex. In the middle I had to fantasize about porn just to stay semi-erect. She was visibly upset with my “performance” which made things even worse… I wish I hadn’t gone for sex at all. I’m in a tough spot because she doesn’t know about my trying to abstain from porn and healing my sex drive. I also don’t want to hurt her by making her think that she’s not attractive to me. Well, let’s see when I’ll try the next encounter. Haven’t done any porn or masturbation.

Stats since Start:

  • Porn Use: 0
  • Masturbation: 0
  • Good Intercourse: 0
  • Bad Intercourse (need for fantasy, erection issues etc.): 1

As you can see, I’ve divided intercourse up into two sections – good and bad. Good intercourse is what I’ll hopefully achieve in the coming weeks and months, meaning intercourse where I don’t need any fantasy, I don’t have erection problems, and so on. On the other hand, intercourse that happens along the way and isn’t quite working yet, like the one this morning, is counted as bad intercourse. Can’t wait to have my first good intercourse!

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Day 2

On to day 2 without porn. I’ve worked all day and didn’t really think about sex at all. As I won’t see my girlfriend later today, there’s little chance of having sex and I don’t plan on masturbating.

Interesting fact though: When I came home earlier, sitting down on the computer caused me to immediately think about masturbating to porn. There was a little voice in my head telling me “just check out what there is, you don’t have to masturbate, just look what’s new…” but I told it to shut up and decided to write a post instead. Feels good to not give in. Go away, porn!

Day 1 of The End Of Porn

Dear readers,
this blog is dedicated to porn induced erectile dysfunction, and finally quitting porn altogether to achieve a regular sexual life and normal sexual responses. I’m a healthy male in my late twenties and I’ve masturbated to internet porn ever since I was 13. That’s about 15 years of straight porn, pretty much every day. When I was younger, definitely more than once a day. Real sex has never really excited me – I remember my first time being almost boring. I expected it to be mind-blowing, but it wasn’t at all! Internet porn was better. Less work, so much to choose from, easy access.

Over the years I’ve had many girlfriends, but sex has never been a strength of mine. I wouldn’t be able to get it up or keep it up 2 out of 3 times, and if anything at all interrupted the mood (as simple as changing positions, or maybe a cell phone ringing) my erection would be gone and we’d have to restart. It made real sex almost a turnoff to me as there was so much work, worrying about the erection etc. involved. With some girlfriends I almost thought of it as a chore that I tried to avoid. Internet porn was all I needed. Needless to say, multiple relationships got destroyed over my inability to want sex. It made the women feel unattractive and caused much grief. I wish I had known then how bad porn is.

The worst part is that I often have to use fantasy to get or stay aroused. I’ll keep my eyes closed, imagining some porn scene, while having intercourse. It’s sickening! I’m in bed with a hot naked woman who is trying to give me the best ride of my life and yet I have to fantasize to get some measly semi-hard erection. This has to stop.

I want to:

  1. Get visibly aroused when I see or even think of a naked woman.
  2. Stay rock hard throughout intercourse. No more of those 70% erections that I need to ‘stuff’ into the vagina and hope to get harder once I’m in there.
  3. Ejaculate in under 10 minutes. I don’t want to have to concentrate on anything except the feeling in my penis and the hot girl I’m with to get over the edge.

I really, really hope that I can reach these goals. I’ve stopped looking at porn intermittently over the last 4 weeks or so but always gone back to it after a few days. I hope I can stay strong this time. When I stopped looking at porn for a few days, sex with my girlfriend was already better but I’m still relying on fantasy. From what I read on the internet, 90+ days of porn abstinence I usually required for a “reboot” to get rid of what porn does to our brains – rewiring pleasure and reward centers to prefer porn over real women. Let’s see how long it takes. I will have fairly regular sex while I stop porn and I’ll report progress.